Making Lemonade: When Life Gives You Too Many Lemons

Hi friends! Or whoever is reading this. If you’re new here, welcome! I’m just a young woman trying to make her way through life with faith in Christ and trust in the midst of trial. In this post I want to share a little bit about my life and recent updates. Mostly I want to encourage others who are maybe also in a stage of drought instead of flourishing. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” Lemons are something sour, distasteful, a “burden” of sorts. I feel like I’ve gotten more lemons than I’m able to make lemonade.

Currently, at the time of writing this post, I am 21 years young. Many would say I’m “in the prime of my life” but truthfully, I feel like I’m surviving more than thriving. Here’s why.

The Beginning of the Story

In 2018, I graduated from high school and prepared to attend Wheaton College, in Illinois, as a Freshman in the Fall. After a pretty successful first year of college (mind you, it had plenty of ups and downs including my first ever F on a test) I went to work the Summer of 2019. Unfortunately, towards the end of the summer, things took a not so great turn.

I was in a Jet Ski accident that resulted in a pretty serious concussion- or TBI- and all the lemonade I was making was lost and instead I was handed more lemons. When I returned to school that Fall, I struggled heavily with school work. I wasn’t sleeping well, couldn’t focus, wasn’t able to participate on the Crew team as I had previously, and overall really struggled with day to day life.

Eventually, after consulting doctors and other advisors, it was determined that I should withdraw from school and come home. At this point, I felt like my life had significantly taken a turn off of my “plan” I had laid out. Instead of starting my Sophomore year of school, I came home, lived with my family (which had its own set of challenges)* and saw doctors left and right.

*Coming home as a 19/20 year old and living at home again after already “launching” out of the house is difficult. Tension in relationships is real and reentry into family life is sometimes difficult for all involved. If you want some insight into navigating relationship dynamics, check out this post here.

Doctors upon Doctors

I spent the next 10 ish months at home, not working, not doing school, but instead filling my time with doctors appointments. I received a diagnosis of Post Concussion Syndrome and started various forms of treatments and therapies. Things like vestibular therapy, eye movement/tracking exercises, steroid injections, chiropractic care, and balance exercises soon became my daily routine. Unfortunately, community was hard to come by and watching everyone else’s lives go by on social media didn’t help.

Eventually, with continued treatment and care, I set the goal of returning to school. I made it back in August of 2020 and dealt not only with my continued mental difficulty (Post Concussion Syndrome can affect your ability to concentrate and focus, read and process, and remember things), but also the reality of Covid-19. Let me tell you, college is not the same with a global pandemic. I wrote a post about my experience here if you’re interested!

The Loss of Lemonade and Addition of Lemons

Life gives you loads of lemons in a pandemic. So that Fall semester was anything but easy. That said, I grew. I served on Student Government, participated in a small group, and engaged with amazing people. Things are 10x more difficult without community at school so I’m grateful for the people I had walking with me. I also took a trip to the ER after my health declined again.

I came back home a little bit before Thanksgiving and kept up with treatments and appointments. I got a part time job for a few weeks but eventually had to quit because I struggled with my health and consistently feeling well enough to make it in to work. The same things I struggled with at school, I struggled with at home. It’s difficult to maintain daily life when you don’t know how you’re going to feel upon waking up in the morning.

Then, I prepared to return to school for the Spring semester- despite not being anywhere near 100% mentally or physically. But, as if I’d already gotten enough lemons, I contracted Covid-19. At first, I didn’t seem to experience anything more than a cold. But then I had severe head pain, body aches, extreme exhaustion, chest tightness, congestion…. absolutely miserable.

Round 2? Maybe?

I started the semester remotely since I couldn’t return to campus with Covid. Which, just in case you haven’t experienced, online school is hard. But most people had to pivot to remote school or work during the pandemic and so, who knows- maybe it will become a new normal? I eventually made it back to school for the remainder of the semester. Or so I thought.

I never felt like I fully recovered from Covid. In fact, it seemed to make everything else I was experiencing with Post Concussion Syndrome – or PCS- worse. I barely functioned day to day apart from getting dressed and maybe making it to a meeting or dinner with friends. I experienced trouble doing even basic things like showering because I felt so poorly. Standing or moving for long periods of time became a workout. Something wasn’t right.

So, then, after trying and doing the best I could, I withdrew from school again and came home. Again. Home in April of 2021, I became quickly inundated with doctors appointments. I wasn’t functioning. My PCS was flaring up and I couldn’t hardly do much of anything. I also experienced extreme dizziness and debilitating headaches daily. The next step forward became testing. Lots and lots of testing.

So Now What?

Fast forward 10 weeks and here we are. After extensive testings and over 30 appointments, we have more answers. I’ve been diagnosed with an Autoimmune disease called Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis. I am presumed to have Celiac disease (which is an inability to digest gluten properly) but can’t get tested for it unless I consume gluten for a while which I won’t do because I feel so poorly after eating it. I still recieve treatment for PCS even though it’s been almost 2 years since my accident.

Perhaps the biggest thing is now officially receiving a diagnosis of POTS. POTS stands for Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome. Essentially, whenever I make postural movements (laying to sitting or sitting to standing) my heart rate increases significantly to the point of feeling faint, dizzy, and chest tightness.

Looking at the past almost two years since the Jet Ski accident, I feel like I lost more lemonade than I made. Withdrawing from school twice, experiencing chronic pain and being diagnosed with multiple, long-lasting health conditions, and being unable to work or go to school was never anything I anticipated happening. Life is handing me more and more lemons.

I wrestle daily with questions of “why me? why now? what did I do wrong? how long will this last?” Sometimes I find myself mad at God. But I’m working on trusting the Lord even when I don’t understand what He’s doing. Maybe I’m not supposed to drink lemonade right now. Maybe I don’t even need to be making lemonade. Perhaps right now I’m supposed to simply just be.

Here’s a song that’s directed my heart posture more than once…

A Change of Mindset- Lemons to Lemonade

My life right now looks like doctors appointments and treatments. Therapies and medications. Diet changes and exercise protocols. Heart monitors and brain exercises. Rest and rhythms of grace- for myself and for others. It’s joy in the little things and excitement at the smallest of victories. Every single day is a new chance to experience the peace and grace of the Father. The glass of lemonade I want now is smaller and simpler than before.

In the coming posts I hope to share more of my story and document the details of my experiences. I am not a medical expert and I am not someone that is an expert on anything other than my own life. But I hope my story can provide encouragement to even one person and reflect the love of Christ. At the end of the day, that’s what matters most.

I hope you join me on this track of perfect imperfection and a journey to full reliance on Jesus alone.

Talk soon.

Hugs,