Have you ever heard of the acronym H.A.L.T? It stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired. The first time I heard it was in a counseling session with my therapist. I had gotten all worked up about something and she put up her hand to stop me saying, “Tiffany, you need to halt.” At first I didn’t know what to think. But then she went down the list.
“Are you hungry?” “No, I just ate.”
“Are you angry?” “Yeah definitely.”
Let’s start there. After unpacking my anger, we moved down to loneliness. Apparently lonely, I was adding fuel to the proverbial fire because I felt no one understood me.
Lastly, we went over tiredness. Fatigue can have negative effects on more than just our bodies. Our thoughts, words, and actions are affected by our levels of exhaustion.
By using H.A.L.T., I was able to unpack deeper the emotions I experienced and help clear out unnecessary thoughts or feelings. It may seem simple, but using this simple acronym can be wildly helpful when it comes to interacting with our friends or family. Sometimes, the best thing you can do in relationships is H.A.L.T. Here’s how it works!
H is for Hungry
While H technically stands for hungry, I think it could also describe hangry. Hungry and angry are never great when mixed together. But the point is, when we are hungry and our bodies are craving satiation, we rarely are thinking the clearest.
There are quite a few scientific explanations for why this is the case. First, when our bodies are preoccupied with needing food, everything is diverted to meeting that need. But don’t take my word for it. Here’s what a behavioral neuroscientist has to say:
When you’re hungry, have you ever felt like you have a harder time remembering things? There’s a simple biological explanation for this: When your body is priming itself for eating, it doesn’t want to expend unnecessary energy in intensive activities such as thinking.
Ben Locwin via The Genetic Literacy Project
So, if you find yourself overwhelmed or entirely too worked up to think clearly, maybe you need a Snickers. Just kidding- maybe try a slightly healthier snack that won’t give you the sugar crash!
Alright so we covered being hungry- a pretty important place to start. But next up in H.A.L.T. is A.
A is for Angry
This particular part of the acronym might be kind of confusing. But bear with me. You might be thinking, “what if I’m angry with my friend? what if that is the main problem? what will halting benefit anyway?” I hear you. Sometimes the main issue is stemming from a place of anger.
But other times, we become angry due to a myriad of other reasons that compound on the main issue. Or, they may simply make our communication or relationally strained and filled with tension. This is why it is hugely helpful to take a pause and find out if you’re angry.
If you are angry, why? Upset about the speeding ticket you got on the way in to work? Bummed that the barista put too much cream in your coffee? (hello Mom!) Whatever it may be, perhaps taking a moment and solving the problem or fixing the situation could put you in a better mood.
Looking out for ourselves isn’t a bad thing. When we react with anger, often times there are other issues causing everything to bubble to the surface. Slow down, take a breath, and collect yourself before causing more problems by interacting angrily with your best friend. Also, sometimes we can learn more about the state of our mental and emotional health. Interested in some other helpful tips? Check this out!
“L is for the way you look at me”….. Just Kidding. L in H.A.L.T. is for Lonely.
Oh yes. Loneliness. Possibly the hardest problem to solve of the bunch. This is partly because sometimes you can be in a room full of people and still be lonely. Truthfully? This one can’t always be fixed completely. But, there are things that can help.
If you’re feeling lonely, obviously the best thing to do is spend some time with people or a person who makes you feel known, loved, heard, and cared for. Call a friend to talk on the phone or go snuggle up to your favorite person and watch a movie. Or just get a hug. Whatever you need to feel less alone is helpful.
Now I’m sure you’re wondering what to do if you don’t have a person. If you can’t get a hug or no one answers your calls or maybe you don’t really have anyone to call…. regardless, there are other ways you can help yourself! For instance, as silly as it may be, putting on familiar or favorite music or even listening to a podcast can help you not feel so isolated.
Or, one of my personal go-tos, pop on your favorite tv show or movie. One that you know the characters so well they feel like friends. Maybe a movie you know the words to by heart. Pick something comforting and familiar! Being lonely is a crucial part of the H.A.L.T. process- don’t forget to tend to it as needed!
H.A.L.T. – that’s Capital T might I add!
So the big T. Tired. The one that hits everyone often. Tiredness and fatigue have the ability to completely derail us. I mean my friends and family will tell you- I’m no saint unless I’ve had my coffee in the morning. And when I get really tired? Don’t mess with me.
Being tired is the part of H.A.L.T. that usually gets me the most. Another great thing my therapist has told me before is “nothing after the sun sets should count.” This was in response to me expressing a hard conversation I had with a loved one and processing how hurtful it was. She asked me if I was tired and I had to admit to being as much.
It does us as people a whole lot of good to be well-rested. If you’re in a situation where things are getting over on you and you’re feeling out of control, do you need a nap? Do you need to simply take some deep breaths and close your eyes for a few minutes? How about another cup of coffee?
Each of these small things could help if you’re feeling sleepy-headed. Sometimes you don’t need a Snickers. Sometimes you need a nice long nap. For naps during the day, I like to use an eye mask like this one! I’ve been told it looks like a mini bra. But frankly good sleep is worth it!
Any Last Words?
Alright so I know this isn’t the most extensive list of ways to help. That being said, I hope some of the things in this post will help you the next time you are overwhelmed or feeling the heat in a conversation or relational encounter. When we take a moment to H.A.L.T. we can actually show love to the people in our lives. The best case scenario is to respond to others with grace. And hey, if you need to H.A.L.T. for a moment to make that possible- all power to you!
Halting with you!
Hugs,
