How to Stay Connected in a Long Distance Relationship/ LDR

Now, more than ever, we are seeking connection. In a time of social distancing and separation, don’t you want to maintain closeness with the ones you love? The idea of “distancing” while for some may be a newer concept due to our current state of pandemic, is not new for people who are in long distance relationships. One of the biggest comments I hear when talking about LDRs is that it’s “too hard to stay connected” and isn’t practical. However, I would argue that in today’s day and media/internet age, it is easier than ever to stay connected while physically apart. This blog post is going to focus on some simple ways to intentionally stay connected in long distance relationships.

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Contrary to what you may be thinking, LDRs don’t only have to be romantic in nature. It is so common to have a long distance relationship with friends, colleagues, or even family. How about you? Do you have people in your life with whom you engage in a LDR? I have countless friends from school that are nowhere near to me so I’d consider myself in a LDR with them. In a state of quarantine and “staying at home,” even your next door neighbor could be in a LDR with you.

The issue of staying connected is growing easier by the day. Zoom, Skype, and FaceTime are becoming normal vernacular in our society. And it’s even crossing generational lines. Even my dad who claims to “not be great at technology” is using FaceTime daily. While video chats don’t truly compensate for in-person time, it is way better than the alternative-nothing. Sometimes though, plain ole’ video chats can get tiresome or boring. So how can else can you stay connected in a long distance relationship?

1. Movies or TV ‘dates’

One of my most favorite things to do is watch movies and binge TV shows. While it may not be the most productive of activities, it sure is fun and can be even more enjoyable when shared. And now, platforms like Netflix and Hulu are adding a “watch party” feature to their streaming. You and your friends, family or significant other can join to watch a movie or show at the same time. I have personally used this feature with friends and it is super helpful to be able to start and stop the media in sync.

My boyfriend and I will take turns trading off who gets to pick what we watch on a given evening which makes things much more interesting. From action movies to romantic comedies, we watch it all. It has provided a great way for us to enjoy “date night” even though we’re states away. One of my best friends and I share a TV show together that we only watch with each other. We’ve promised to not watch it without the other person which makes watching it together that much more special. It’s things like this that help make “distance” seem a tad bit closer.

2. Books

Another fantastic way to add some variety to video chats is to read a book together. This is a lovely way to stay connected in any long distance relationship. Now, you don’t necessarily have to actually read the book to each other over FaceTime, (unless you want to!) you can commit to reading a chapter a week and then calling to chat about what you read. This is another thing my boyfriend and I have done that helps us stay connected. At the beginning of this year, we decided to start a Bible reading plan. We do the reading together and discuss it daily and it has definitely helped us feel closer. Not only are we sharing our thoughts with each other, but we are also prioritizing time with one another.

If you are interested in a fantastic Bible reading plan, I’d encourage you to check out The Bible Project app, Read Scripture. It has daily reading plans and even has videos to help facilitate study!

What I’m Reading Now

Aside from reading plans, regular books are great too! One of the books I am reading with a friend from school is LIVE by Sadie Robertson. It has so much wonderful information about how to live well!

Another fantastic book I am reading with my boyfriend is Relationship Goals by Michael Todd. This book has sparked great conversation and has encouraged us to continue to grow our relationship. I would encourage anyone, regardless of relationship status, to read this book!

Really though, books are a great way to stay connected because it gives you something to talk about. Reading is also great for your brain! It can be a nice alternative to TV if you’re getting tired of a screen.

3. Snail Mail!

Ok so maybe you roll your eyes at this and think “really? mail?” And I’d understand if you did. But let me tell you, when I went away to college, my dad sent me a letter in the mail almost every week. It actually became a thing when my friends and I would check our mailboxes. They’d ask “did a letter from your dad come yet?” or “where’s your weekly letter?”. Now, the content of the letters from him wasn’t always long and involved. Sometimes, it was just a short and sweet little message of encouragement. But I can say definitively that those letters from my dad made me feel so much closer to him. It was like getting a hug every week!

I also find letter writing to be a beautiful way to communicate because you can hold on to it. Text messages or phone calls aren’t always concrete and you can’t always go back and look at them again. But I have a box filled with letters from my boyfriend that I can open and read whenever I miss him. I do it frequently and it never fails to bring a smile to my face.

*Also, just a fun note. I know it’s made fun of in movies sometimes but if you’re wanting to enhance your letter, spray it with your perfume or cologne. I know I know, I’m a sappy romantic. But seriously, our olfactory senses are some of the strongest we have and can trigger memories. Why not jump on that and remind your favorite person what you smell like?

Tools

Obviously you can use a simple piece of paper and a pen to send a letter, but why not make it fun? These are some of my favorite pens because they are extremely easy to use and come in such vibrant colors! They also last a long time which is great. Also, it’s so nice to have matching cards and envelopes. You don’t even have to worry about trying to fold the paper to fit perfectly. I’ve used these before and they are the perfect size for a little note to make someone smile.

Contrary to what you may think, letter writing has not gone out of style and is actually a great skill to have in the professional, as well as personal, world. It helps you stand out and stay connected in a long distance relationship.

4. Schedule Schedule Schedule

Alright I’ll admit it. I am not the best when it comes to scheduling or making/keeping plans. But I know how beneficial it can be to have a set routine when it comes to staying connected. The consistency that comes with a daily or weekly video chat, phone call or even movie date can help thwart increased feelings of distance. When there is consistency, there is also accountability. Something to remember is if distance wasn’t involved, you’d probably be seeing the other person way more frequently. So, to compensate for the distance, connecting on a consistent, regular basis is incredibly helpful. I’ve found that actually putting it in my calendar helps me remember to “be there” virtually and to not accidentally plan over it.

The other thing scheduling time does is it shows the other person that they matter to you. A prime way to be intentional in your relationships is to show that you are making the other person a priority. Giving of your time is a fantastic way to do just that.

5. Reach Out

When it comes to love languages, I am 100% a quality time person. I would rather sit for hours with you and drink copious amounts of coffee than have you give me a gift. I know that isn’t the case for everyone, but regardless of what your primary love language is, I think most people appreciate being thought of. Right now, with the current state our world is in, it can be difficult to have “quality time” in the ways we normally would. A nice way to counteract that, however, is to have “quality thought”. What I mean by that is if you’re going throughout your day and you see something that reminds you of your best friend, take a picture of it and text it to them. If you’re reading a new blog post (maybe like this one? ;)) and it brings your mom to mind, email it to her.

Sometimes, simply thinking of someone and acting on that thought can make connectedness more attainable. If I watch a video on Youtube about football for example- and let’s be clear, if I’m watching football videos I’m really watching KC Chiefs videos- then I’ll send the link to my boyfriend because I know he’ll appreciate it. When my sister sees something on Instagram that makes her think of me, I’ll often get a dm with it from her. It’s little things like this that can let someone know they are on your mind and can easily shorten the distance they, and you, may be feeling.

Here’s to Staying Connected

In conclusion, staying connected in a long distance relationship is easier than you may think. There are so many ways to ease the burden that distance can cause. It is so important, in any relationship really, to stay in touch. Healthy relationships take time and effort to flourish well. I hope some of the ways I shared will help you stay connected in any long distance relationship you might be in right now! These are just a few, easy ways to help bridge the gap that so many of us are experiencing because of social distancing.

If you are struggling during this time in our culture and need to spend a little bit on your mental health, check out my recent blog post for some more easy tips!

I wish you all the best when staying connected in your long distance relationship. Here’s to more movie nights, snail mail, and thoughtful texts!

Hugs,